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Vixen Noir's Birthday Countdown! Day 43! 

My ‪#‎50DaystoVixenBday‬ countdown continues... Day 43. One more week to go!!!
Photo by: Kristin Gerbert, www.kg-photography.com

Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Breeze drifting on by you know how I feel
It's a new dawn, it's a new day
It's a new life for me....

AND I'M FEELING GOOOOOOOOOD!!!
I AM FEELING FREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

I am in a new home, back in San Francisco in Glen Park, a neighborhood I've never lived in before nor hung out in really! I live with a fabulous roommate, Calyx Clagg. In the short time I've been here (since Sept. 3) I've truly enjoyed her company, conversations galore about any and everything, from religion, to race, to food, to vitamins/supplements, sex, relationships, violence, history, culture, queerness and more. A real genuine exchange of genuine expression. She is divine and her home is lovely in it's decor and energy. To top it off, I live with not one but 3 cats!!! Three long-hair Maine Coon cats and I'm allergic! But Spirit wants me here, this is my divine home of transition in the best sense as I prepare to move to L.A. and become a full-time thriving Artiste! This is the 1st time in years, decades that I feel inspired and excited to unpack everything and really make home. I knew I was restricted and limited in my previous home, but the contrast is astounding! I feel so damn free here! Free to be all of who I am, free to be a woman, free to be queer, free to be creative, free to express myself... FREE! What I really love is that I feel SEXY as hell! WOW! This, my new home, is exactly what I asked for, a perfect environment to support my journey! I am feeling so blessed and so grateful! THANK YOU UNIVERSE! THANK YOU ANCESTORS AND SPIRIT GUIDES! THANK YOU CREATOR! IT'S ON! BRING IT!

Vixen Noir's Birthday Countdown! Day 40! 

My #50DaystoVixenBday countdown continues... Day 40.

Getting ready to start the show at XXXhibitionism, a Folsom Street Fair fundraiser for the Artists Stage.


All moved into my new home where I will transition mind body and soul in prep to move to L. A. And so the new chapter of my life begins. Finally read the Spiritual treatment for today from my girl Kim H. Walker and OMG it sums it up for me. IT'S ON LIKE POPCORN UP IN HERE!!! My dreams are manifesting this very moment. I see it. I live it!

Read it and be nourished my friends and family!
"The Universal Intelligence precisely constructing every manifestation in Divine and Perfect Order is God. I AM One with Universal Intelligence, now! I realize that the more I force, beg, or plead my manifestations into existence, the more stagnant my life becomes. My Good manifests as the Universe aligns each and every piece in Perfect Harmony. So, I release my need to control the outcome. I take the "shoulds" off of my manifestations. I no longer force things, people, jobs, etc... to fit into my life. Through my spiritual practices I release my fear. I stand in the faith that Spirit's got my back. I freely flow in a state of trust as the Universe never can forget me. And my Good always finds me in right and perfect timing. Gratefully, I surrender all and I open to all that I dream for my life. I release these words into the Universal Intelligence which orders my steps and manifest my dreams, now! And so it is!"

Vixen Noir's Birthday Countdown continues...!!! 

My #50DaystoVixenBday countdown continues... Day 31.
photo: kg-photography.com


Hope all have had a happy Monday so far and are having a great start to your Tuesday wherever you are in the world...
Begin rant...
Seriously, FB first thing in the morning before I even do my prayers, meditation, journaling-- my morning or for me my begin-the-day ritual?!?! Yeah, uh... NO!!! This has got to stop. It will stop. It is over. It is done. DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE! Can you say addiction?! No more. How in the hell did I get round to this?! I do know, but still no excuse. Gotta change! The nerve! The internet taking precedence over my relationship to my inner god-self, my Creator, my connection to the Universe, Infinite Intelligence. The beauty of awakening the Spirit, my Spirit, my heart. Grounding and centering. Preparation to begin my day present, conscious, in my body. Clear. Focused. Moving towards and living my dreams. WAlking my true path. Living true to myheart and soul. Honoring and expressing gratitude for my gifts from god, my Ancestors. I have been blessed with my unique offerings, we all have. To tap into this source each day means life lived freely, fully!

I'm thinking harm reduction. Yes! Not sure exactly what that looks like yet, I will and then I will commit to living this way. Yeah... NO! This shit ain't cool. T'aint cool at all. My birthday, September 13 will officially mark the beginning of this practice, whatever it shall be. But one thing I know for sure is that from this day forward, when I rise, I will not be turning over picking up my phone and checking my FB, Twitter, Instagram, email or whatever before I get my self-love, gratitude, celebration of life, body-nurturing, release on! It'll be a fight, but one day at a time right! Exceptions to this rule, music, art, creativity, inspiration that demands to be acted upon, written down, recorded (audio or video), researched in the moment. If I wake up and roll over with a song or part of; anything that has to do with my creative soul's unleashing, I will act. For me this is prayer, meditation, self-love, self-expression begging to be heard, and I must listen. Blessings be...
End rant.

 

Vixen Noir's Birthday Countdown!!! 

SupaStars! Been counting down my birthday since July 26 #50DaystoVixenBday by posting thoughts, dreams, actions, meditations, creative inspiration, whatever on my personal facebook! Then I thought, what in the hell am I doing not sharing with my fans?! So sorry! So welcome to my journey to my birthday on September 13! Hope you enjoy the ride with me. To get you on board I thought I'd share some of the the previous posts with you.

Day 3.
 

photo: www.kg-photography.com

Fabulous day so far. Just me in my space. I really do treasure alone time and aloneness, not lonely! Started the day with a good dump. Man that quinoa is no joke for cleaning you out. Ha ha! Followed by my pre-workout snack, slice of whole grain toast with crunchy peanut butter topped with sliced apple, and water. Then a wonderful prayer session, followed by meditation, journaling, 30-minute House Music dance session (Divine) and 30-minute Pilates workout. One of my favorite meals, Oatmeal with almonds and sliced apples and blueberries and 1 slice of toast, no added sugar topped it off. I've been working on my music promo stuff getting it ready to release my debut EP! Newsletter done and sent! Have you seen it yet?! My day will end with going to the studio, YAY! Refining the mixes for the 3 main songs on the EP, Dangerous, Lusty Lady and Hundredaire. Really excited about putting the finishing touches on Hundredaire. But before I do that, gotta cut my hair and eat dinner. Keep it moving... Loving life! Fun playing around with pics to get different feels... Tee hee!

 

DANGEROUS! 


Now, more than ever, I live by the mantra: “Believe in myself. Believe in my vision.” Let my gut, my instinct, my inner god-self, my inner voice, and my divine spirit guide me on my journey.

And with regard to the release of my first single Dangerous, I have to listen to my gut. I have to be true to myself. I feel that the promotional images and text I have chosen to represent Dangerous and the coming out of Vixen Noir as a music recording artist, singer and songwriter are going in the right direction, for me. They may not be "THE" direction, but it feels good to me at this time and juncture. I get that orgasmic feeling downstairs. I get chills in my body. My mouth waters. My heart palpitates. And I feel like, "Yeah". If I do what somebody else wants me to do, it's not going to be a true representation of my vision, of my passion. I went over and over and over the first photo shoot I did. It's really cool and badass, but I don't think it captured fully what Vixen Noir and Dangerous are about. I got an opportunity to do a second photo shoot. I thought about it. I planned it. I prayed and meditated on it. I really dove into what “Dangerous” means for me. I really went for it. I was quite pleased with the outcome.

“What is Dangerous for me?” you might ask. The questions for me more so are, “What is a Dangerous woman? Who are Dangerous women?”

Dangerous women are women who stand in their power. Dangerous women are women who know their power. And they don't let anybody take their power from them. Who have conviction in who they are. They are committed to their tasks, their goals, their mission in life, their purpose. They know what their purpose is and they follow it to the T! They are not easily knocked off course. Dangerous women are leaders, followers, mothers, daughters, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, teachers, doctors, lawyers, artists, scientists, poetesses, sex workers, CEOs, cheerleaders, judges, wives, stay-at-home moms, dancers, singers, athletes, security guards, activists… Dangerous women are everybody. We are everybody. We are trailblazers. We are divine beings.

This is what dangerous means to me. What is dangerous for you? When you think dangerous, when you think dangerous women, what do you think? The dictionary definition of dangerous is: able or likely to inflict injury or harm. In my definition, I think dangerous is about being able to kick someone’s ass with my fierceness, my presence, my integrity, my power. I think dangerous is being able to incite change in people for the better. I think being dangerous means to courageously empower women to be their best and most powerful selves and to help motivate them to follow their true life’s path.

One of my favorite “dangerous” women is the one and only Nina Simone. I know you may have heard me say it 1000 times, but I love her, I idolize her. She is the first biggest inspiration for me musically in regard to my voice, delivery, style, poise, and persona. Dangerous BADASS, she was!!! Fierce musician, fierce activist, fierce Black woman! Whew, goddamn!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUcXI2BIUOQ And to think, while writing and researching for this blog post, I discovered that another artist I love, Meshell Ndegeocello, just released a CD on Oct 9, 2012 dedicated to Nina Simone!!!


WTF??? I had no idea Meshell had mad love for Nina too! You know I gotta check that shit out! God, I hope it’s good. It contains 14 of Nina’s best songs performed by Meshell with a host of guest artists including Sinead O’Connor and Toshi Reagon. I’m excited!!! (tears of joy flow) Read more about it here: http://www.innocentwords.com/tabid/807/itemid/4807/Meshell-Ndegeocello-Releases-Pour-Une-me-Souvera.aspx

So… Vixen Noir is Dangerous! I am not here to be dictated to and to be told what to do or to be anybody’s rag doll or door mat. But… Dangerous women are also vulnerable. There is so much strength in vulnerability. The key is that Dangerous women know that there is strength in their vulnerability. It’s fucking crazy. I experience it often at my job. If I’m feeling really in my power, strong, confident, it works, but I think it can also be intimidating and cause customers to not want to interact with me as much. But when I’m vulnerable for whatever reason, OMG, customer interaction increases by 50% or more. What I find is that in these interactions, I have more power to motivate, shift consciousness, connect with people’s souls. We vibe together, dance together, create together.


My girl Nina Simone refused to conform to the music industry’s standards and expectations. She refused to be categorized as one specific genre of music. She stood firm in her conviction as an artist and civil rights activist. I am reminded that I must stay true to me and my vision no matter what. And that’s exactly what I’m gonna do. Now that’s DANGEROUS!!!



SupaStahdom! At What Cost?!?! 


 
I have been feeling pretty raw since the news of Whitney Houston’s death. My heart is broken! Each time someone who’s a mega-superstar dies at such a young age, especially all the musical artists of late: Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse, and now Whitney Houston, it really just blows my mind! I feel so vulnerable, sad, thus rethinking my deepest desire to be a SupaStah. And, I’m looking at superstardom from the outside! I don’t know what it looks like from the inside.

Yeah, I wanna be a SupaStah. Yeah, I wanna be famous. Yeah, I wanna have a life with a substantial income, my dream home, to be able to really take good care of myself, my family and to do the philanthropic things I wanna do. Yeah! But, at what cost?!?! Am I somehow different from Michael, Amy and Whitney that I can withstand the pressures of being a SupaStah? I mean I’ve been a local, national and international celebrity on a community level. But, I don’t see it measuring up to the pressures that they had to withstand. Really, I have no idea what it must be like because Artists don’t talk about it! What I get is that they are not allowed to talk about it because it would tarnish their superstar status thus the industry’s ability to make as much money as possible off of them. It’s like... for someone to sit down at an interview and say, “I had a breakdown last night and I drank a whole bottle of tequila because I couldn’t stand the pressure and then I threw up and ran to my mother and cried in her arms. Then I had to commit myself to a mental hospital because I was afraid I was gonna kill myself…” is a NO-NO!!! We don’t hear about the ugly side of Superstardom. So we see Artists living what appears to be a glamorous life and we want it! But, we don’t see how much hard, hard work goes into it. We just don’t get it! We don’t get what it takes to be a Superstar!

And so, parents push their kids into it. The kids, themselves, want it. They pursue it and a lucky few make it! Then, they have to deal with the pressures of their career. I don’t know what they all are, but I can imagine long work hours to develop their brand, vocal coaching, writing, studio time, rehearsals, music videos, performances, touring, interviews, special appearances, living up to the demands of their record label and fans, and more! In order to meet these demands, and at times to soothe them, some turn to cigarettes, drugs and partying, developing addictions. Some develop eating disorders and other issues.



I betcha any amount of money Adele was scared shitless that her voice was about to be taken away from her! That god-given gift she has to reach and touch people on such a deep emotional level. But then and again, she smoked like 25 cigs a day and wanted to continue. She was in denial about her addiction and how smoking could hurt her instrument. "Smoking is not the reason I got laryngitis – it was because I was talking too much," she told The Sun. "I damage my voice offstage, not onstage. Onstage I am fine as apparently I am technically great, but when I talk I damage my voice big time. I have got screwed into giving up smoking." For Adele, "If I wasn't a singer I still would be smoking 25 a day. Smoking is my favourite thing to do in the world, I am gutted I have had to give up." Cigarettes came first! Sad! She’s damn lucky, the surgery she had saved her golden folds! Despite her neglect and her addiction, she’s been given a second chance. Adele, don’t screw it up love! Take care of yourself, honor your gift mama and avoid taking the road of self-destruction!


Photo by: Myles Boisen

As for me, hell I’m asking for SupaStahdom! It’s my childhood dream! I want it, but I’m scared like a motherfucker! I’m like what the fuck is out there? What monsters await me? And what do I need to do to prepare myself, because for me there is no turning back! I want to reach the masses. I want to reach women all over the world with positive messages that reaffirm their beauty and power as they are. I want to help women stand tall and live their lives true to their deepest passions.

With that said, it’s vital for me to live by my own rules and keep several things intact including:
• A strong circle/community of friends and supporters
• My family; always letting them know what’s going on with me.
• Stop trying to do it alone! Ask for help, ask for the support that I need.
• Continue my ritual of meditation, journaling, prayer, yoga, Pilates, eating healthy, getting rest, preventative healthcare & natural medicine and vitamins.
• Continue not to drink, smoke or use drugs.
• Dancing to house music, taking dance classes.
• Being PRESENT, living life in the moment.
• Not letting the demons: resistance, ego, pain-body, drama, bullshit, come in and take over my life, because all of those things mean self-destruction, self-sabotage, hurting myself and others.
• Do my best not to gossip, complain, criticize, blame, nor judge myself or others.
• Continue to be the sexy, sexual, erotic, creative, innovative, badass, in-your-face, raw, Artist and talent I know myself to be.
• Keep my integrity in place.
• Stay true to my deepest beautiful passions.

Shit! If there has to be a dependency on something to make it all feel alright, to have peace, to medicate the ills and the pains that come with the pressures of being a SupaStah, then I choose all of the above as my drugs and habits of choice.




Grace Jones & Me!!!! 



Grace Jones has been one of my inspirations for years!!! The other day, I just sat for hours and watched some of her videos on Youtube. I was totally blown away by this DIVA. Two of my favorites that I watched, both from Night of the Proms 2010 - Belgium/Netherlands were Libertango, where she dances with a mannequin of her likeness the whole song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMCKj6LDZ2U and Slave to the Rhythm, where she hoola hoops the whole song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6kSZVtLFygs. And her goddamn body looks great! For crying out loud, she is in her 60’s HELLO! I love that she is still doing her thang. She’s had a revival baby, tearing up stages all over the world. She is fierce. She is flawless! She is a seasoned artist, a vet still going strong! It gives me hope and drives my ambition to be the SUPERSTAR I know the Creator put me on this earth to be! Especially with getting started so late in my life with singing and songwriting, but hey, I’m doing and I have no plans of stopping! I’ll be up there on that stage in my 60’s too!

I admit, I was studying her also because I wanted to perform one of her songs, Libertango (I’ve Seen That Face Before) not only at a gig I had with Red Hots Burlesque on Feb 24, 2012, but just for the sake of it. To have the joy of singing those lyrics and creating to that music! It’s my favorite song by her. I studied, I practiced, I got tutored for the French verse in the song. I designed my make-up, the costume, my hair, the overall look! I put in the time and energy to ensure a HOT performance for all to behold. I wanted to do her proud and you know what?! I was damn pleased with the outcome. Of course I was nervous and could hear my heart pounding in my head, but this time I didn’t let my nerves get the best of me, which was a hell of an improvement for me! You see, one of my goals for 2012 is to perform as a singing performance artiste extraordinaire at least 1 to 4 times a month. I want to build my confidence as a singer and get my ass on stage and do it and do it and DO IT! This is the only way I’m going to be able to fuse the fierce performance presence I have developed over the years with my voice, my singing and my developing SOUND/STYLE!

So pleased with my make-up and hair, I took some post-show bathroom self-portraits after I got home!

If you wanna check out more of my post-show bathroom self-portaits, here’s the link: http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150594523852712.389068.170396277711&type=3! I am on my way baby! And with an inspiration like Grace Jones leading and guiding the way, I know I will be there real soon!

Blessings be…

Vixen

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